Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
