Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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