I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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