i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
