worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
