Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
