The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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