Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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