I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i would punch a child for taco bell
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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