You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
