When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
