Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
