pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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