4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
