I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
