The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
