Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
