My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
