bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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