If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
