I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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