respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
