Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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