i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
