This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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