My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
