i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
