two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
