he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
