$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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