There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
