Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
