very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
