no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
