Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
