Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
