Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
