Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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