why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
