Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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