I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
