I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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