You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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