nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
