He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
