I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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