i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
