remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just high enough for therapy.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
