We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
