I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
