Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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