Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
