He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
