So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
