Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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