NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
