yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
