I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
