I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
