"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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