nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
