dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
