Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
