Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
