Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize