I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
